Few things make a bride and groom more anxious than writing their thank you notes. After all, there are so many to write, for so many different gifts, favors, and assistance with the wedding plans. How do they do it all gracefully, in wording that truly pays homage to the gratitude they feel? Beyond wanting to get the words right, to sound personable, to customize the message and sound like themselves, there's an element of fear in the actual sending of the notes themselves.

So we're offering you these tips to keep you on the right track and help you avoid some of the most common mistakes that can otherwise turn your thanks into thuds.

1. Get the names right. Nothing's worse than writing a thank you note to guests you don't know very well and getting one of their names wrong! It's as embarrassing in this task as it would be in a business letter.

 

2. Know the children. If the gift comes from a family with kids, make sure you have all of the kids' names on there. A cousin may have had a child or two since you saw them last, so be sure that you list all of the kids' names on the note.

 

3. Sending too late. Yes, we know that sometimes your bridal portraits can take a while to come back from the photographer, but there's no reason to take 10 months to get your notes out. Etiquette may state that you have a year to send them, but guests appreciate a speedy response.

 

4. Writing generic messages. Personalize them. "Thanks for your generous gift" sounds like something you'd see on a greeting card. There's no depth, no meaning. Tell your guests how you'll use the gift, if it reminds you of a great family memory, or something more you.

 

5. Focusing on the money. While your guests may have been generous, your note shouldn't gush about the cash value. Focus instead on your gratitude for their support of your future, and how terrific it was to spend time with them at the wedding. People first.

 

6. Forgetting they weren't actually there. Some people send gifts even if they can't attend the wedding. When you're writing your notes, don't lose focus and thank them for their presence at the wedding when they didn't actually make it. (You'd be surprised how often this happens!)

 

7. Not putting a guest's name. Some of your friends and family may have brought an "And Guest" to your wedding. If you didn't find out the guest's name at the invitation stage, find it out now. Your thank you note needs to be addressed to both of the recipients, not "Joe Smith and Guest." Be more personal than that.

 

8. No uniformity. If you enclosed wedding portraits in some thank you notes, enclose them in all. There should be no favoritism towards those who were able to give you large cash gift amounts. People do notice.

 

9. Using computer signatures. While you're free to print up your thank you notes on your computer, always leave room for you both to hand-sign your names.

 

10. Not sending thank you notes. E-mail is fine for planning a happy hour, but not for wedding thank you notes. Printed cards are a must.

Sharon Naylor is the author of over 30 wedding planning books and is the Q&A specialist at NJWedding.com. Sharon will answer any wedding-related questions at www.njwedding.com/expertadvice. She is a resident of Morristown, New Jersey. To view and purchase any of Sharon's helpful books, click here to visit the NJWedding.com WedStore!